Forget the Track, Hit Nature's Gym

The following is an excerpt from a story which we believe is worthy of reading, but would lose too much of its charm if it were re-written for presentation on this blog. Please link through for the rest of the story, but hurry back! ... Editor

by Justin Raines

My mother is one of the South's few remaining butter cooks. In these days of low-fat recipes and healthy alternative spreads, she still uses enough butter in her holiday cooking to choke the arteries of a bull elephant.

This year, I arrived back in Rabun from a day at Mom's house for Christmas. During the drive down the interstate, I could feel my belly skin stretch and increase. By the time I made it back to Tiger, my body had expanded much like the capsulized foam lobsters that swell to 20 times their original size when placed in a bowl of water overnight.

As I lay writhing on the couch, feeling every cell and artery of my body expand, I began to think about New Year's resolutions. Something had to be done to counteract the effects of the butter shock. Bikini season was only a few short months away and with my rate of belly expansion, time was running out to get in shape for the ladies.... "

finish the story at the Clayton Tribune - see FAIR USE notice.
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